President Bush Writes Letter to Iranian President Ahmadinejad

Dearest Mahmoud,

Even though we're on different sides on the planet, several miles apart, we still look up and see the same moon, the same stars, and the same television programs. Just like you, I found out about the National Intelligence Estimate report release while watching The View. Who's your favourite host? I like Elizabeth, and I'm so happy that she kicked Rosie off the show. Doesn't Barbara Walters remind you of Elmer Fudd? Me too.

But I regress. I suppose you're wondering why I didn't stop that NIE report before it got out. To be frank, I though it would spark the fire of our relationship together and bring back the excitement. Ever since the thing with the British semen you arrested, I've felt our relationship change. Once apon a time, you hated us Americans with passion - but now it's like you stopped investing your heart in us. You barely even offer sarcastic contempt, let alone genuine loathing, and I thought that leaking the NIE report might replenish the passion we once had for hating one another's country.

When you came to visit us in this year, you didn't care enough to do those "little things" that make all the difference. Where was the profanity? Where was the Hitler comparisons? Why, you didn't even pause to urinate on the White House lawn. Whatever. Well, anyway, I hope this report will re-energize you to focus on hating us more. Just to be sure, I'm going to have a press conference to tell everyone that even though you aren't making bombs, you still might make bombs someday. I'm sorry it had to come to this, but hopefully your hatred for America will be renewed and it won't have to happen again.

With All My Heart,
Georgie.

PS: Have I told you lately how cute you are? ;-)